When it is raining cats and dogs!!!

2011-11-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

Get a Melissa & Doug 25% Off Coupon When You Take the North "Poll"

Melissa & Doug want you to tell them which of their educational toys you think is the best! Just click on the image below to place your vote in the North "Poll!" You'll Get a Melissa & Doug 25% Off Coupon** to use at MelissaAndDoug.com just for voting!

2010-03-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

So Many Changes!!!

Sorry that I have not posted in so long. We have been going through a lot of changes and some have been exciting and some not so good.

First exciting news is, we bought a newer more spacious van. We need the space, as we seem to be accruing more equipment. Plus our older van was beginning to need more work than we were willing to pay. So we traded it in and got a great deal on a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan, with all the bells and whistles. It is so nice!

Second exciting news is, that after eight years of living in a two bedroom apartment, we are moving into a three bedroom, two bathroom house. We will finally be able to spread out and not be all over each other. Jessica will have her own room and the boy's will be sharing a room. The kid's will finally have a fenced in backyard to play in. Oh, the freedom!!! We will be moving in this Monday and we cannot wait.

Now for the not so good news. About a year ago, Jessica started going downhill neurologically. She started having trouble walking, started having trouble using her arms and hands, severe overall pain, stomach pain, constipation, fatigue, migraines, nausea, and mood change. We saw a specialist, at a not so local SF children's hospital, and he feels that it is all neurological. We have no answers right now. My son's Geneticist feels that she is also suffering from the same unknown genetic disorder and is going downhill because of it. I am praying that her Neuro figures out what is going on and can help her. He ran a buch of bloodwork and urinalysis and we are waiting on the results. Right now he is treating her pain with a neural pain blocker, which does help on most days. Though she has had some breakthrough pain and he will probably be titering it up to a higher dose.

We also pulled Jessica from school. She had missed so much school, even when she was there she could not keep up with her peers, and then add that she was way behind before hand. So her neuro suggested that we pull her out, do the Home Hospital Program for the next six months, and see how she does. So we are officially doing homeschooling. This was a hard choice and tough for everyone involved. It saddens me to the extent that she is behind. We discussed this with her teacher and she feels it is time the school district did something to help her. We couldn't agree more. So we are on to our next battle.

Thank you for sharing in both our joys and sorrows. Please keep the children in your prayer, as we will also be going though more changes and other stuff is going on, which I will post, when we get it all sorted out. It is all in God's hands. Praying that this post finds you and your families well.

Keely

2009-12-18T16:00:00.000-08:00

LOOK LOOK LOOK!!!

Mckmama is having another Giveaway. This time she is giving away Adobe Photoshop Elaments 8 and Adobe Photoshop Lightshop 2. Please click on the link and check out her blog for a chance to win. Good Luck!!! http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/12/power-of-two.html#disqus_thread

2009-12-09T23:28:00.001-08:00

My Last Great Chance to Win a HP TouchSmart Computer. Just Check Out BooMama's Blog. She a HP have teamed up for one Superific Giveaway.

Do yourself a favor and check out BooMama's Blog and also get a chance to win this amazing computer. While there, spend some time, and scheck out her blog. You will be glad you did. Enjoy and good luck!!!

Here is a link to her blog and giveaway.
http://boomama.net/hp-touchsmart-600-giveaway/

2009-12-09T23:11:00.000-08:00

I Gone Blog Giveaway Wild. Please Check Out Nienie's Blog for a Chance to Win a HP TouchSmart Computer.

Please stop by Nienie's Blog for a chance to win this amazing computer. While you are there, chack out her blog. She has some amazing insight to read.

Click on th link,
http://nienie-reviews.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway_09.html

Enjoy!!!

2009-12-09T22:54:00.000-08:00

Check out Stephanie's Blog and Get A Chance to Win a HP TouchSmart Computer

Stephanie from A Year Of SlowCooking has teamed up with HP for this wonderful Giveaway. Please stop by her blog to get a chance to win this giveaway. While there pull up a seat and check her blog out. It's really worth the read.
Click on this link, http://totallytogetherreviews.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-computer-review-and-give.html

Enjoy and Good Luck!!!

2009-12-09T22:34:00.000-08:00

Check out Kelly's Korner and Get Another Chance to Win a HP TouchSmart Computer

Please stop by Kelly's Korner and read a wonderful blog and also get another chance to win. I love Kelly's Blog. Just click on this link and enjoy it also.
http://kellyskornerreviews.blogspot.com/2009/12/hey-who-wants-to-win-free-computer.html

2009-12-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

MckMama Blog and Giveaway

Hey All, just wanted to tell you about a Giveaway that a blogger I have been following is having. Mckmama has teamed up with HP to give away a Brand Spanking New HP Touchsmart Computer. Please check out her blog for a chance to win. Just click on the link.

While you are there, check out her blog. She is one amazing writer, mama, and believer. Her strength, realism, and humor through the journey of having a child with a severe medical need, has greatly inspired me, and helped me in my daily struggles.

Good luck and enjoy Mckmama's Blog

http://mckgiveaways.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway.html

2009-08-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

It all comes back to God!!!

My children have been raised in a non traditional Christian family. Due to the fact that I am legally blind and cannot drive and that Ryan works every weekend. We have not been able to go to church, but a few times, in our children's life. We are believers and teach our children such but something was missing. They felt it and so did we.

About four months ago, we had to let Ryan's father go, as our caregiver. His behavior became erratic and we became afraid for our children. It was hard and we felt bad, we wanted to help him, but our children come first. We hired a neighbor college girl as our new caregiver, though the change was rough, our children are safe, and she has been a blessing.

About two months ago, Jessica and Hunter started asking more questions about God and Jesus. Most of the questions I could answer, but deep inside, I knew they were asking for something more. I thought long and hard about what that was. One day it came to me, they needed church. They needed a village of believers. They needed a village of teachers. They needed a village of guiders, They needed a bigger family in Christ.

I asked our caregiver, if she felt comfortable, in taking us to church on Sundays. She was very happy to do so. We went the following Sunday, the children took to Sunday School, like they have always been there. They are excited about learning more about God and Christ. They can't wait to memorize their bible verses and go to church Sunday mornings. Everyday they speak about and pray to God.

After a month of going to church, I have realised that I had also missing something. After everything we have been through with our disabilities and health problems, I had lost my reliance on God, my belief that he would help us, that he would make our life different. I gave into the hopelessness. I never lost my faith, I just lost my way. Since I have started going back to church, God is really speaking to my heart. Every sermon seems directed at me and my faith is starting to grow again. I am beginning to find hope again.

I truly believe, that four months ago, God decided it was time for change. Ryan's father's behavior had been getting bad for awhile, but we finally had enough, Ryan stepped up, and told his dad that we had enough. Something I thought he would never be able to do. God gave us the opportunity to hire someone who was a believer, who is good with and has experience with children with special needs, and who could drive (Ryan's dad does not drive). Even though he closed one door, he opened a even wider door.

Last Friday, a friend told me about a wonderful special needs soccer program for children. I spoke with the program director and he told me that practices and games were on the weekend. Four months ago, that wouldn't even have been a possibility. I still have to ask our caregiver, if she would be willing to take the Kid's to soccer, but I am sure she will. More open doors!

Yes, it all comes back to God!!!

2009-07-01T00:37:00.000-07:00

Shocked, disgusted, and Heartbroken About What Just Happened in California!!!

Our wonderful Govenor and State Senate could not agree on a budget by the midnight deadline. So Thursday, our state controller will begin issuing IOUs to college students who are expecting grants, welfare recipients, the blind and disabled, and private companies that contract with the state to provide a wide array of services.

Counties that administer social services also would not get paid, nor would taxpayers who are still expecting refunds.

Like many other families with disabled and Special Needs Children, this will be a horrific hit to my family.

What am I supposed to tell my children when they are hungry. Sorry, we had to pay our rent, so here is an IOU that you can eat.

What do I tell my children, when the gas and electric are turned off. Sorry that the heat makes you sick, tough it out. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. We always have plenty of cold water now.

What am I supposed to do, when our caregiver can't come, when Daddy goes to work. Sorry children, I guess you will spend the summer indoors, watch as much TV as you want. I guess you'll be eating sandwiches and cereal for every meal. On my really bad days, daddy will have to stay home from work, and so we will probably loose our home.

What do I tell my children, when I can't afford their diapers and pull ups. Sorry kid's, hold it in.

What do I tell my children, when they need to go to their multiple monthly doctor's visits, sick appointments, therapies, and we do not have the gas to take them or that the doctor's won't see them, because they aren't guaranteed to be paid. Sorry, your health doesn't matter to the Governor or the State Senate.

What do I tell my children, when we can't afford their multiple medications. Sorry children, I am praying that you do not get sick.

I am so sorry, children. I am sorry that you inherited bad genes and have dissabilities. I am sorry that you have a disabled mom. I am sorry that daddy can't work full-time, because taking care of us is such a full-time job. I am sorry that our extended family is so dysfunctional, that they have never and would never help us out. I wanted so much more for you.

I will stay strong for you. You are everything to me. I just don't know what to do now, except to pray even more.

Please Lord send us a little help!!!!

2009-05-16T00:36:00.000-07:00

SO WE ARE WAITING & WATCHING

We are waiting, to hear when and if Jessica will be going to UCSF Children's MD Clinic. It all depends on our infamous insurance. I won't even go there. It would take at least a week to write down about all the stupid referrals, specialists, meds, and equipment they have denied our children.

We are watching, Jessica struggle everyday to do things she used to do with ease. The Motrin is losing it's ability to relieve her of her pain. She refuses to use her walker, because she is starting to have arm problems also. She wants to be like the other children, so she only uses her stroller when she can't stand the pain anymore. She is having lots of down in the dumps times. She is struggling big time and there is not much we can do to help her.

Her school is not helping her the way it could be. She comes home everyday more exhausted and more in pain. She has come home and burst into tears and has cried herself to sleep due to the pain. On the weekends, I make her rest and we do not see the escalation in pain that we do during the school week. Ryan's says, that if something doesn't change soon, we are going to have to home school her next year. I feel that it would be a big mistake. She doesn't see me as a teacher, so she doesn't learn from me, and Ryan doesn't have the patience. Plus she needs the socialization and would miss the people there. I would hate to have to take away that from her also. She has already had to quit Ballet and didn't get to go on her field trip because she wouldn't have been able to make the hike. I guess we will have some hard decisions to make this summer.

I have been trying to think of something that will cheer her up. I have decided to take her to see the Hannah Montana Movie. I have always been against shows like hers, but if it will give Jessica any joy at all, I will give up a tiny bit of my all that's natural and pure parenting. Bad Mommy, Bad Mommy!!! What's worse is that I am seriously thinking of taking her to one of her concerts. I seriously need medication, I know!!!! I still will not let her dress like Miley Cirus. I gotta keep some of my standards. LOL!!!

Stayed Tuned!!!!!

2009-05-05T00:07:00.000-07:00

Since I am fairly sure that no one reads my blog anymore,

I am going to post our newest trip into hell!!!

A little over two and a half months ago, Jessica and Matthew got a flu. Our doctor had gone on maternity leave and so my children had to go see a different doctor in the office. Ryan took them in and the doctor said that they had a flu or a virus and to just keep them hydrated and dose them with cold meds. Had it been our reg ped, she would have put them on antibiotics, because she knows that they always get an infection. Two days later Jessica had pneumonia and Matthew had severely infected bulging ears.

The next day Jessica was complaining that her legs hurt and she could not walk on them, she also was complaining of severe stomache and head pain. We waited a few days and when it did not get better, we took her back to the Ped and he felt she had Guillene Barre Syndrome or Bacteria Encephalitus. We tried to explain that this has happened before, when she gets real sick, but it usually only lasts one to two days, and that we just thought this was a Jessica weirdism. The ped didn't seem to hear us. So he tried to get her into the neuro, but our insurance would not pay for her to go. Finally four days later Ryan had it out with the insurance and they agreed to let her be see. We saw the neuro and he told us that it was not neurological. That it was just a virus affecting her muscles and that she would get over it within two weeks of it starting.

We gave it three weeks and then went back to the Pediatrician. By this time Jessica was totally dependant on a walker and a special needs stroller for longer distances. He feels that she is having some inflammitory muscular process going on in her legs and stomach. He put her on adult doses of Motrin every six hours around the clock. He also put her on Prevacid. He asked us to come back in a week to see how she is doing. He said that he will probably be sending her to Lucielle Packard or University of San Francisco Children's hospital to have a team of specialists look at her.

On the pain meds, she has been able to walk more, she still is in some pain, but when it starts to wear off we are back to her being in horrible pain. Her stomach pain has not really gotten much better on the Prevacid and she is skipping meals and eating way less than usual. We tried to get an appointment last week, but her Peds office was full. So hopefully we will be able to have her seen this week.

We are totally worn out with worry. We know something is seriously wrong, we just don't know what it could be. We have our suspicions, since Matthew's geneticist highly suspects that the children and I suffer from a Metabolic or Mitochondial disorder, or a combination of both. We even asked the Ped, if her becoming so sick and going down hill so fast could be related to a metabolic or Mito condition. He said that children that have these disorders do get quite sick like Jessica. He said that he has to take a documentation as possible, so that he can get our insurance to approve us going to LPCH or USFCH.

We are sick of waiting for someone to help her. We are so afraid that in we wait much longer, she may get worse. We just want to know what is wrong with her, so we can help her. This sickness is totally wearing her out. We are so tired of feeling helpless!!!

2009-02-10T23:00:00.000-08:00

If we had seen this Neuro, when Jessica was a baby, it could have saved us a lot of heartache!!!

Yesterday, we took Jessica to see Matthew's Neuro. Her Ped felt that she was having more seizures and wanted her to see her old Neuro again. We were like, No, we want her to see Matthew's Neuro, as he is one of the best in our county. So she reffered us to see him and a miracle happened, our insurance approved it. Whoohoo!!!

So anyway, we took her to see him. We had brought a list of all her weird difficulties since birth and he read her Medical reports and spoke with us. Guess what he said??? He said that all her weird problems were caused by PDD-NOS. That her weird problems were classic symtoms of PDD-NOS. He was shocked that it took so long for her to get a diagnosis. He told us that if he had seen her as a toddler, he would have been able to give us the diagnosis then. Damn...If we only had known!!! Our Ped and Jessica's Psychiatrist were the ones to finally tentively diagnose her, just last year. She was 6yrs old by that time. We had been to hell and back by that time. Grrrrr!!!! He just kept shaking his head in disbelief when we told him all we had gone through.

We spoke about her seizures and he feels that Jessica is having more now. He is ordering a 24hr Medication free EEG. Fun, Huh!!! He is also ordering a MRI because she is having numbness, fatigue, and pins and needles in her legs and numbness on one side of her face and in her tongue. He feels that she may have something going on in her brain. It would also explain her PDD-NOS, Seizures, Fatigue, Heat Intolerance, and weird sensations in her legs, face, and tongue.

We spoke about her inability to focus, he checked her out and he feels that she also suffers with ADD. We also spoke about the fact that her sleep and anxiety med called Clonidine is no longer working for her. He told us that after she has her EEG and her MRI, he was going to tweak her meds and maybe put her on a med for her ADD.

We are so glad that we got to see him. We finally feel like we have someone that supports us whole heartedly. He is so amazing and wants to help Jessica reach her full potential. Having a neuro who agrees with Jessica's Diagnosis, will do wonders in getting the school to help her. We couldn't be happier. Please feel free to go back to my post called " Princess Jessica is Locked in a Tower". It explains about the hell we went through trying for years to find her help.

It has been an amazing and harrowing ride, but finally it is time for us to get off. KWIM!!!!

Our life may be crazy, but it is our life!!! (stolen from John and Kate + Eight)

2009-01-08T21:37:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..... I am the BIG 40!!!!!

Amazing, today I am the BIG 40. Am I over the hill yet??? LOL!!!

What a wonderful day. I got to sleep in and then rush Matthew to the Ped because he had a major earache. We then ate lunch in the car and then took our very sleepy, with Pain meds, little guy to his PT appointment. We then had to rush home so that Ryan could take a quick shower and then take Jessica to Ballet class. Right before they left for Ballet, we had my Birthday Pie and I opened my presents. I got a lovely hand made necklace, picture, and card from Jessica, some recycled toys from Hunter, lots of hugs and Happy Birthdays from Matthew, A Josh Groban CD and Dvd from Dh Ryan's father, and a beautiful Cherry Wood Jewelry Armiore from DH Ryan. When Ryan, Jessica, and Hunter came home from Ballet. Ryan and I said our Goodbye's and then went out to dinner. Ryan's dad watched the kids for us.

What a wonderful meal was had by all. We went to a local steakhouse and had a four course meal. It was very yummy and so quiet. We got a booth in the back and the aviance of the lighting and booth was so romantic. I had the best time , Ryan was so attentive and loving, and it was so quiet. With three young children, it is amazing how a little peace/quiet is so cherished!!!
The waiter brought out a brownie w/ icecream and choclate syrup with a candle on top. He and Ryan sang me Happy Birthday. Ryan and I then enjoyed a romantic dessert together.

After we paid the bill, Ryan and I went to Walgreens to pick up pull-ups for Hunter and Matthew and Cultrelle for Kids for Matthew. We then went home to all the children asleep. We now are spending a "Quiet" night together. (Wink, Wink, Wink)

This was the best 40th birthday I could have asked for!!!!

(Yes, there was some real life stuff included in my day. But that is quite normal here.) LOL!!!

2008-12-04T22:37:00.001-08:00

Mystery Diagnosis, Here We Come!!!

(Update on our Genetics Appointment)

So, let me say, that our Geneticist was wonderful. We took a typed detailed account of each child's and my medical history with us, plus medical files, to the appointment. She was very impressed (shocked) with our preparedness. She asked us an amazing amount of questions and made a graph.She then informed us that she was positive that the children and I are suffering from a metabloic disorder.

She feels that we suffer from a Fatty Acid Oxidation Disorder. She wants us to get testing to find out which one we have. She is sending a letter to the children's Pediatrician and my primary that we need testing to be done at our local University Hospital, she works there also. She is marking the letters urgent because of my deterioration, she is afraid that my heart might give out.

I thought Shriners paid for the testing, but found out that they only pay for the Geneticist visits. Once we are referred for genteic testing to the University hospital, the hospital will pick up the cost not covered by the insurance. So now I wait a week and then call our doctors to see if they sent the referrals. If they haven't, she is going to call them and put a fire under their bottoms.

She said, that at this point, she is more worried for me, than the children. Don't get me wrong, she is worried for them, but they still have time to recieve treatment and the fatty deposits have not made too much damage yet. She said that since I was not diagnosed as a child (even though I had the symptoms) and started on the treatment, that there is more fatty infultration in my organs, and if it isn't treated soon I could die.

Ryan and I, are happy that we finally found someone who is putting all the clues together, but are terrified on the outcomes of the testing. She also feels that I do not have MS. She said fatty infultration in the brain can look like lesions in MS and the neurological MS symptoms can be caused by the infultration. I told her about the fact that I did not have any ogllical bands in my spinal fluid and yet I was diagnosed with MS due to the other tests, an exacerbation, and my symptoms. She was shocked that the neuro never sent me for metabolic/genetic testing. She feels my exacerbations, were Metabolic crisises.

She will be testing Matthew and I first, when she gets the results she will start testing Jessica and Hunter. Ryan asked her, what can she do once we are diagnosed? She said the faster she can get them diagnosed and started on treatment, the less damage will be done. She spoke about putting us on an enzyme regime, and special eating scheduale, and diet. She also said that a protocol would have to be given to our doctors and hospital for when we get sick.

She gave us her card, she told us that any question we have, we are free to call her. Besides having her office number on it, it also had her cell phone number on it.

She said that if we hadn't raised our children on organic food and made sure they got the medical care they needed, they would be alot worse off. She said we were amazing parents.

I know I should be relieved to finally get us to someone that will help find us the awnser, but part of me feels very sad. I somehow feel to blame. Since Ryan's health history is not to remarkable, she feels that they probably got this from me. She won't be sure until she does the testing.

So now we wait for the testing, then wait for the awnser, and will be doing a lot of praying.

2008-11-15T14:54:00.000-08:00

How are you supposed to react when your Primary Care Physician tells you that.......

It is time for you to start making some end of life decisions. In regards, to making sure that your children will be taken care of financially after you are gone.

I know that my health has taken a turn for the worse and that I will be having major surgery soon.

But.....Did he just tell me indirectly??? That he is not sure how much longer I have to live!

Ryan and I left this appointment very sad and scared about where our future is taking us.

I am not ready to make those kind of desicions yet.

Is anyone ever really ready???

2008-11-13T22:57:00.000-08:00

ANGUISH!!!!

We see the Geneticist on December 4th with Matthew
.....and all I wanna do is scream "Please Help Us!!!"

I just want to know if my children are going to go through the hell I am. Is there a way to make it so they don't???
No one should have to go through the pain I feel ever day.
Pain in my nerves, body, and heart.

Pain.....My heart hurts because I wanna see my children grow up!
Pain.....My primary telling me that I need to get the children SSI, so that they will be taken care off when I am gone.
Pain.....that my children struggle everyday.

I want to know what is causing all our health problems... I want awnsers...and I want a cure.
Please don't let my babies have to suffer even more than they already do.
Please don't let my babies go through not knowing if they will survive to see their kids grow up!!!

2008-10-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Halloween is Almost Here!!!

I am so excited. Halloween is one of my most favorite holidays. I love everything that goes with it. Well except the Evil connotation!!!

Things I Love About Halloween

Watching Scary Movies
Making Jack-O'Lanterns
Kid's in Costumes
The Fall Weather
Haunted Houses
Halloween parties
Pumpkin Picking
Going to the Pumpkin Patch
Going to the Country Store and buying Halloween stuff
Lighting all the scented candles
Taking the kid's Trick or Treating
Telling Ghost Stories (age appropriate)
Reading Ghost Stories(Terrifying Myself)
Eating Candy(Scratch that)

I know us Christian's should not celebrate this day, but I can't help it. Somewhere inside me is a little Black Magic. I love to watch anything about the paranormal. We even have our own Ghost. Weird unexplainable things are always happening in our apartment. We even call our ghost Bob. You all probably think I am crazy.

I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!!

25 Days Until Halloween

BOO!!!!!!

2008-10-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

Matthew had an Excellent Shriner's Appointment

(Awnsers to our Medical Mysteries May be on their Way)

We saw the most excellent Shriner's Pediatric Neuro today. When he first entered the room, Matthew asked him to read him a book, and so he sat down and read Matthew a book. Let me tell you, I was in love from then on.

After he read Matthew the book, he sat down and asked us about Matthew, his medical history, my pregnancy history with Matthew, then he looked at Matthew's MRI, and then due a full neuro examination. He then asked if we had other children, we said yes, two. He asked us if they had any medical issues. We said Yes, that they all have neurological and other medical problems, we named them off. He then asked about Ryan and my health history. Ryan's being none compaired to my side of the family. He seemed shocked at my medical history (especially the Neurological) and then he asked about my Dad's, Mom's, and Siblings. I told him about all of their health problems ( neuological, gastrological, endocrine, ect.) He then went on to say that some children with CP have CP because of underlying Genetic diseases/disorders. He told us with the fact that I had an excellent pregnancy with Matthew, and that his brain just stopped developing in utero, and that some of his physical problems don't usually manifest with CP, that he feels he may have one of those Genetic diseases/disorders. He feels that with my moms, my Siblings, our Children's, and my health problems (which are very similar in nature), that we may all be suffering from a Genetic Disease/Disorder. So he is sending Matthew, Ryan, and I, to their Geneticist to have a full work up and history done. He told us that the Geneticist will probably also do testing on Jessica and Hunter.

So December 4th, we will be going for our first Geneticist Appointment. Ryan and I, feel that finally someone is actually listening to us and is trying to find out the awnser. We always felt that it was weird that Jessica, Hunter, Matthew, and I, all have Neurological issues/other related medical issues and yet the doctors have never thought they could be related. Everytime we have brought it up with them, they told us it was just a fluke. Fluke my foot!!!

I think the most wonderful part of this is that Shriner's pays for all it. We no longer have to fight the insurance like we used to. The CP Neuro also said that he will make sure that our School District meets all Matthew's needs. he will also be talking to all Matthew's Doctors, Specialists, Pt, and OT, so they are all on the same page.

In regards to what Matthew needs.He does not want to put Matthew in Braces just yet. He want's to see how Matthew's legs develop (muscle/tendons) before he put's him in braces. He was concerned about Matthew's severe fatigue issues, and was glad that his neuro gave us a script for a Special Needs Light Stroller . He wants us to get it as soon as possible. He also wants Matthew in a Full-inclusion Preschool because then the teachers can document all the area's of cognitive development that he might need help in. He also wants us to take Matthew to a Pediatric Opthamologist for his eyesight problems.

I think that is all for now. I am so sorry that this was such a long post. I just wanted to tell you everything. LOL!!! I am so glad that the CCS lady sent us to Shriner's. We just love them!!! I have never met such a thorough doctor. He spent an hour with us. Amazing!!!!

2008-09-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

Life in the Fast Lane, Barely Time to Lose My Mind!!!

(Life has become very busy here, as if it weren't been before)

This weekend we had three birthday's to celebrate:

Friday,

We threw Jessica a Girl's Spa Party and Sleepover. We had seven 6yr olds in our small little apartment. It was controlled Mayhem. My best ""Friend"" bailed out at the last moment, so I had to do the party by myself with Ryan to sorta Referee. It was crazy, but the girl's were amazingly well behaved. the girl's and I made scented bath gel, lotion, bath salts, and Glitter gel. They had a blast!!! We then had pizza, decorated cupcakes, opened presents, and ended the night with Barbie's newest movie. Three of the girl's stayed overnight, the rest went home around 8:30pm, the girl's that slept over were asleep by 10 am. An amazing feet, I know! When the girl's left the next morning, they could not stop telling their parent's what a good time they had! Jessica told me that this was the best birthday she ever had. I am so glad. This party was a true success. I hope she remembers this party for years to come. We made some good memories, I am sure!!!

Saturday,

we gave Hunter a Birthday Bounce party, minus the bounce. Two hours before the party, I found out that the bounce place we were going to was closed do to a family emergency. Let me tell you, panic set in. The next hour, I spent calling all the bounce places in our area. None of them were available to take us. Just when I was about to rip out my hair, Ryan came up with the idea of taking the boy's to Miniature Golf. I called the Miniature Golf place and they said sure come on in. THANK GOODNESS! the boy's came to our Apartment, they had pizza, and then Ryan took them to play golf. I stayed home to get a much needed rest. Ryan and the boys then came back, we did cake/ice cream, Hunter opened his presents, we gave out goody bags, and then they all went home. A Great time was had by all. I have never seen hunter so happy.

Saturday night,

I had an intimate birthday party for Ryan. We sent the kids to granddaddy's and had a quiet night here. Ryan and I, had Take Out Chinese for dinner and then I gave him his presents. He was dying to get Guitar Hero 2, so I caved in and got it for him. I hate video games, but he so deserved it. The rest of the night he played his game and I watched shows that I had DVR'd during the past week. Yes, we are boring, but it was a much needed rest! Congratulations sweetheart, only one more year till you are 30. Heeee,Hee, Hee!!!

Sunday,

Ryan went to work and I spent the day organizing the house, folding laundry, putting away laundry, organizing drawers, and getting everyone/everything ready for the coming week.

Sunday night,

Matthew was up all night with Stomach pain and gas. It was a miserable time for both Matthew and I. Poor little guy, nothing I tried made him feel better. I was exhausted by Morning. A Sleep Deprived Mommy is never a good thing...

Monday Morning,

Matthew had an appointment at 7:30 am to be evaluated by Shriner's for their CP Clinic. Ryan dropped us off, then took J and H to a friends to be watched and then be taken to school, he then rushed back to Shriner's so he could be at the appointment. Turns out that Shriner's had supposedly called last week and changed our appointment to Wednesday. I was not thrilled, let me tell you. So when Ryan got there we packed up and went home. I checked caller I'd and did not see any calls from Shriner's, so i am not sure what happened. When we got home, we had lunch, and then Matthew and I crashed until about 4pm. Boy, poor Matthew was a bear the whole rest of the day. Bedtime couldn't have come quick enough. I was so glad to see this day end.

Today,

We had Hunter's School Birthday Celebration. I love Waldorf!!! I can't say that enough. Hunter's teacher told everyone little stories for every year of Hunter's first 5 years of life. She then gave each of his classmates and us a wishing Stone to give Hunter, along with everyone of us giving a wish to him. When all was said and done, Hunter was beaming with joy. Hunter is well loved by his class. I couldn't have been prouder of him, if I tried. Compared to last year he has grown so much. It is amazing what a year and a good teacher can do.

Tomorrow,

Matthew will finally have his eval at Shriner's at 7:30 am. I am so afraid that they are going to say that they will not take him as a client. I have heard that if they accept a child for care, that they will cover things the insurance won't. We really cannot give him all he needs due to cost and Medicaid issues. It would be a true blessing if they accept him for care. We are so tired of struggling with our Insurance to get him what he needs. We really need for them to take him on as a client. A Children's services worker came an evaluated him during a PT session and said that he is definitely going to need braces and that we must go to Shriner's because they will take good care of him. At this point I will do anything to get him the care he needs. His walk is getting so much worse, even with the orthotics. He continually falls down and gets hurt. Last week his Homebase teacher and I took him out to play for 20minutes. In that 20 minutes he fell at least 10 or more times. three of those times her scraped himself up. After about 20 minutes his teacher suggested we go in because she was afraid he was really going to hurt himself. I am praying that braces help him. Hopefully Shriner's will also be able to help us get his Special Needs Big Light Stroller the Neuro gave us a prescription for. It will be great for when he fatigues when we are out. He is to big for his stroller and weighs to much to be carried all the time.

Please, please, keep him in your prayers tomorrow! We could use some positive news right about now. We are getting so worn out.

Thank you for reading my blog. I know this one was long. Have a great week. Big Hugs!!!!

2008-09-13T23:12:00.000-07:00

I am so tired!!!

Seems like my battle against the internal forces of evil is failing.
I force myself to get up everyday but it is getting harder and harder.
I feel so drained by fighting whatever is going on in my body.
Ryan tells me to take it easy and lay on the couch.
I can't do that because if I do, I will probably never get up.
Everbody commends me for doing such a great job, being so active and not giving up, while battling my illnesses.
If they only knew, how much I fight to make it everyday.
The last three days, I have been so tired that I spent most of them sleeping. If you know me, you will also know that I hardly ever sleep.
I am so afraid that things are getting worse.
Please pray that I make it through my 2 older Children's Birthday's.
I don't want them to remember celebrating their birthday with Mommy in the hospital.
Please pray that I make it through DH Ryan's birthday. I hate for him to have to worry on a day that should be celebrated.
Please pray that I overcome what is happening to me.
I need strength to fight but I feel sucked dry.

PLEASE PRAY!!!!

2008-08-02T22:33:00.000-07:00

My Father-In-Law Made Me Very Mad Today!!!

On our drive home from picking the kid's up from their Grandpa's, Jessica says "Grandpa says he wishes Dh Ryan would work more, so Grandpa would be paid more" Ryan and I both look at each other in shock. Then Jessica goes on to say that, "Grandpa is poor and only has money to spend on food. Grandpa needs more money. I am scared about him!"

I understand that Grandpa does not have lots of money. The reason that is so, is because he lost his temper for the millionth time and yelled/argued with his boss one to many times. Something we warned him repeatedly not to do.He would tell us how he would never get fired, because only he can do the work he does. So guess what happened? YUP, he got FIRED! He then received unemployment for awhile,waited to almost the last check, then went to look for a job, but could not find a job. Why you ask? because his attitude, work history, and interview appearance sucks!!!

He had been watching our children on the weekends, when Ryan worked. So out of the goodness of my heart, I applied for Child Action, so he could be payed for taking care of our children. I even got him two months retroactive payment. We strongly suggested moving to a cheaper place or get a roommate and/or get another part time job to supplement his income. So what does he do, he does nothing.

I started getting scared that he will lose the house he is renting, and move in with us(his plan not ours). So I split half of Ryan's In Home Supportive Services work hours and pay with him. So now he can stay in his 2 bedroom house, pay his bills, and have food to eat. I am fully aware that he does not have much extra spending cash, but that is his fault.

I am floored that this man can talk trash about DH to our children! How dare he!!!!

Ryan call him on it tonight. The only thing he can say, is that he talked to Ryan like that, when he was little, so he doesn't see why can't he talk to his grandchildren like that. Uhhh excuse me, no one can be that dense. Number one rule, do not talk trash about people to children (EVER), especially the ones that employ you. We have issues with the way Grandpa takes care of our children, but we do not talk about them, in front of the children.

This is not the first time Grandpa has made the comment. But it is the first time he used the children to deliver it. I/we have explained that Ryan would be able to work more if Grandpa would get a drivers license and a car. We even said that he could use our car, if need be. If he could drive, he could take the kids and I, to school, therapy, doctors, specialists, tests, and after school activities. He says, "yes, I understand" and then does nothing. Oh, but he can complain!!!

He above everyone should understand, that with three special needs/disabled children and a wife with disabilities, it is impossible for Ryan to work full-time. I am sure, Ryan may be able to work more hours, if someone else could drive. I cannot drive because I am legally blind due to a lesion on my Occipital Lobe. Boy, do I miss driving. Financially, we could use the extra pay. We have learned to do without and finagle with our budget, but we have a beautiful, happy, close, loving, family a place to live, food in our tummies, and clothes on our back, so we are in no way poor!!! It would be nice to not to have to worry so much though. What Grandpa doesn't realise, if Ryan gets a new job, it will probably be during the week and because the kids are in school, Grandpa will make less money.

I hate this, because I am kinda stuck dealing with all of this. I would be afraid to fire him, because he may not be able to get a job. I can't let Ryan's father be homeless and in the poor house. Ryan is not so attached to FIL, due to anger issues caused by FIL drug problems, during Ryan's teens. Grandpa has somewhat shaped up since then and is no longer doing drugs. Ryan is more likely to snap and fire grandpa, than I.

I just cannot fathom what is wrong with this man. He is biting the hands that feed him. Does he want us to be angry enough that we fire him. Geez, it is pretty low when you go to someones children to try to get a message through to the parents. Due to their disabilities, all three children deal with anxiety issue, especially Jessica. Why would you make her worry even more??? Goodness, that makes me the angriest of all.

Thanks for listening to me vent. If anyone has an idea how we can get out of this situation, please leave us a message. Thanks again!!!!

2008-05-31T22:47:00.000-07:00

A Big Thumbs Down to HEALTH NET GMC!!!

(((Part I)))

My Medical Supply Company and I, have spent the last month, trying to get my sons specialized formula authorized. He has been on it since he was five months old and all of the sudden Health Net GMC is not approving it's authorization. They are playing around. I know this because his GI gave them all the documentation they need for approval. The same documentation they ask for every few months. I can't believe this, we were supposed to get it on May 9Th!!!

Luckily/sadly, I had some extra cans, due to all the months Matthew got sick. They do not know that and I have not informed them. Thank God for these extra cans. I am so glad that I held on to them. So it comes to reason, that they do not care if Matthew lives or dies. His formula gives him the only protein and Calcium he gets in his diet. He has a total protein allergy that is well documented. How can you deny a formula that sustains a child's life. It will cost them a lot more if he starts violently throwing up, because I had to give him some other source of protein, and then he ends up in the hospital due to dehydration and Malnutrition.

I talked to Health Net GMC, yesterday. I told the customer service person what was going on. She told me that Health Net GMC goes through their secondary medical group(EHS) for authorization. Would I like for her to transfer me to them??? ((((WHAT)))) She tried to call the Health Net (EHS Medical Group)to see whats going on, they of course has closed early. GRRRR!!!! So now I have to call back on Monday. Lets just say, I was not a happy camper when I hung up the phone.

I feel very sorry for the person I talk to on Monday. Please Lord Help Me. I will be back soon with part two of this fiasco.

2008-05-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

On The Run!!!

Yesterday, Ryan left for work and then came home Two hours later. First thing I assume is he got fired. I am in that "What Else Can Go Wrong!" mentality. No, He did not get fired! His boss let him go home early to spend time with me. Who knew, the guy actually has a heart! He noticed that Ryan was feeling down and pulled him in an office to talk. They talked for over an hour about my health issues. His boss said, "Do what you need to do for your family. In the end, they are what matter the most." Bossy guy also said to tell him if there is anything he can do personally or company wise for us. I am still a little pessimistic about all this, but I will give they guy a chance.

On to the fun part, Ryan kidnapped me and drove me up to the Tahoe Mountains. I love Tahoe. I love the mountains, the trees, the snow, the fresh clean air, and the beautiful lakes. When we got to Tahoe, we stopped at a roadside Burger Joint for lunch. The food was yummy. we actually sat outside on a picnic bench and enjoyed the cool crisp air. Next Ryan suprised me by taking me to do my next favorite thing.........Outlet Shopping! We found me some sandals and my favorite perfume at way below cost price. After we were done shopping Ryan took me for a drive around the lake. Did I tell you??? Tahoe Is Beautiful!!! After our drive it was time to drive home. Before we left, we did stop off at our favorite Pizza place in the whole world and bought a pie to take home.

Ryan gave me such a beautiful day. He held my hand alot during the trip and told me that we will make it through this. He said that we will fight this and that we can't give up, that we need to do everything we can to find out why I am sick, and then find me the help I need. Most importantly he wants me to be strong and fight. I am so glad that we have each other. Ryan completes me. Sometimes I take for granted how much we love each other and then it takes something like this to happen to jump start my heart. I love him and he gives me more than he will ever know.

2008-05-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

That I may not live to see my children grow up.....

(I am sad tonight so please forgive my pity party!)

I knew when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis that I may not be around forever. But with the advances in medicine, I leaned on the hope of a cure or at least the slowing of this diseases progress. I started Betaseron shots every other day, I took better care of myself, I watched even more of what I was eating, I ate mostly organic foods, and I took vitamins. My MS has progressed more than I would have liked. It is unbelieveable how much of the body can be affected by this disease. Though, all in all, I have adapted and accepted every change pretty well.

Three weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Diabetes, for some reason this diagnosis was harder to bear. I am still trying to learn how to deal with it. I hate the finger pricks, counting carbs, and the added medication. what's worse to me, is the horrible way I feel when my sugars are out of whack. I know diabetes unmonitored is deadly, so I do everything I am supposed too. I do it all so that I can be around to see my children grow up.

Today, I went to the Dr. for a diabetes check and to see what my blood tests revealed.

The blood tests were to see:

1. How long I have had diabetes....probably about a year.

2. If my kidney's have been affected.....thankfully No.

3. If my liver was healthy enough to go on a second more effective

Diabetes Medication....the anwser is....NO!!!

To the shock and dismay of everyone in the room.......I am in the early stages of Liver Failure.

Since I don't drink, do drugs, don't have Hepititas, and haven't had diabetes long enough to cause this, the Dr. is going to have to run a bunch of tests to find out why. I am also going to have another specialist added to my list. He seemed extremely puzzled/worried. I can live with MS, I can live with managed Diabetes, I cannot live without a liver. I won't even qualify for a transplant because of my other pre-existing diseases/disorders. The doctor made it pretty clear that we need to find out what is causing my liver failure ASAP because my liver enzymes were at a pretty high. At this point we can do nothing until we find out what is causing this. Ryan and I feel so helpless. I hate feeling helpless.

I did find out that my Cholestrol was in excellent shape. I am at no risk for heart disease. I joked with Ryan, "That if I died, at least I could donate my heart!" Ryan did not find this funny at all.

I can't figure out what is going on. All I want to do is live to see my children grow up. I am in no way giving up on that dream, but another thought keeps creeping into my head. What if God has other plans!!! What if I don't agree with those plans? Does it make me a bad person. Our family has gone through so much. It wouldn't be fair to them or me, if I was gone. Why, why, why???? I just want to live to see my children grow up!!!!

2008-04-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

Keely and the Terrible, Horrible,No Good, Very Bad Week!!!

Another Life Changing Event for Me...

Last weekend, I felt like a truck hit me. I was extremely weak, I could barely get out of bed, having sharp pain in my left chest, heart has been racing, clammy, severely thirsty, and have a severe headache. I was not running a temp, so it is not something I caught. After three days of suffering, Ryan forced me to go to the hospital, monday morning.

Turns out......
On top of all my health problems....
I now have.......Diabetes!!!

I will have to take my blood sugar three time a day. The Dr. is going to try oral meds to regulate my blood sugar, but he feels that I will probably have to go on insulin. The Dr feels this way because, when I was in triage the nurse checked my blood and my sugars were 386. An hour later the Er Dr gave me some Glucophage. 3hours after the med my blood sugar was 291. Not big enough of a change. Specially since I hadn't eaten all day except for 3oz juice around 10am.

My symptoms were a combination of high and low blood sugars and dehydration caused by my peeing so much. My body was trying to regulate itself but because my Insulin wasn't doing it's job, everything went haywire. The Dr said that I have probably had diabetes for awhile and that it was lucky my body didn't shut down over the weekend.

The Dr said that I either have type 2 Diabetes or an Autoimmune type of Diabetes. He feels that it might be autoimmune because I have two other autoimmune diseases and these diseases tend to run together.

I feel terrible, I hate needles and shots. I have been on shots for my MS, every other day for almost a year, and I am still not used to it. Now lets just add tons of finger pricks, more meds, and maybe shots. On top of that I am going to have to learn to eat as a diabetic. Which has beeen harder than you could imagine. Counting carbs suck

So another life changing event has hit like a ton of bricks.

Lord, Help Me!!!!!

2008-04-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

Why do people keep bugging me to potty train Matthew???

Specifically Ryan's Dad and Matthew's Headstart Homebase teacher Beverley. Ryan's dad wants Matthew potty trained so he doesn't have to change Matthew's diaper anymore when he babysits him. Beverley wants us to start potty training him because Matthew is almost three years old and typical 3 year olds are potty trained.

I have explained to them quite a few times that Matthew is not developmentally ready for such a task. How can I expect a child, who can't undress or dress himself and doesn't know and can't tell us when/or if he has gone peepee or pooped, to be ready to be potty trained. Pushing Matthew right now would be futile and cause both him and I undo stress.

Matthew is disabled. He is not a typical 34 month old. Both David and Beverly know this, have read the Doctors reports, and have seen it for themselves, but for some reason they can't come to terms with it. Their ignorance hurts me. I know that Matthew is disabled but to have to explain why he can't do something again and again is like rubbing salt into an open wound. The wound keeps opening and the pain is renewed.

I would love to not have to change diapers. I would love to clap and cheer for him as he pee's in the potty. I can't wait to do our line dance, while singing our "peepee in the potty, poopy in the potty"song. I can't wait until I can give him little lollipops when he poop's in the potty. I would love to see Matthew running around in little Thomas The Train undies. I want to take alot of photo's of those cute little buns running around.

Matthew is not ready right now. I believe that one day, with God's help, he will be. Just give him time!!!

2008-03-08T12:57:00.000-08:00

So Time Has Passed!!!

I am sorry for the long spans of time between my blogs. It has been very hard to blog latley. I get on every almost every day, but have been feeling so overwhelmed, that I just can't seem to figure out what to write. I hate always writing about the negative in my life. I want to write about the wonderful, great, exciting things that are going on in my families life. To tell you the truth, I would love those things for a change. So instead, I remain silent and read all your amazing blogs. I decided today that I would try to blog a little more than I have been. So I am going to open a little window into what has been going on in each of my children's life.

Jessica.....

My little girl is growing up. Monday, I spoke with her teacher and...........she is ready to go first grade next year!!! A very amazing achievement for her with her behavioral, developmental, and sensory disorder. I am so glad we chose to put her in a Waldorf school. The Waldorf Method is such a fantastic program for children with special needs. Jessica is blossoming into a happy and self assured little girl. We are so proud of her!!!

She has finally been diagnosed with a pervasive developmental disorder, anxiety, and seizure disorder. She is on meds for the anxiety and seizures. She seems to be doing pretty well on these meds. Her seizure med will probably have to be adjusted, due to a breakthrough seizure last week, but we are waiting to see if she has more before we call the neuro.

Hunter.....

At this point, it seems that sweet little Hunter is having the most difficulties. He is having some horrible behavior difficulties. He has been in therapy for 7 months and he seems to be getting worse not better. We talked with his therapist and we have all agreed that is time for a change. Hunter will be seeing a Psychiatrist in about a month. During that time we will be using strict behavior modification to try and slow down some of these behaviors. The therapist feels that Hunter has ADHD and Oppostional-Defiant Disorder characteristics. She is anti meds and we have agreed with the no meds, until the past month, in which Hunters behaviors escalated into violent uncontrollable fits. Thank God, he is just doing these fits at home and in therapy. The reason why he does these behaviors at home is because he bottles it in all day, then he comes home, and explodes. Our fear is that eventually he will explode and it will happen at school.

Last Thursday, We had a parent-teacher meeting with Hunter's school teacher. She actually saw a lot of the same behaviors that we have. Hunter has trouble socializing with the other children, he prefers to be alone. He also has trouble staying still for any amount of time. If other children bother him he gets angry or becomes withdrawn. Because of the lack of maturity, his teacher feels it would be best to have Hunter repeat Kindergarten and we agreed. Hunter is an amazingly smart little boy but socially and emotionally he needs a little more help.

Matthew.....

Matthew is doing Physical, Occupational, Behavioral Therapy, and Easter Seals Early Childhood Intervention. His service coordinator is also getting him a speech evaluation and Music Theraphy. We are doing Brushing therapy at home 4 times a day. We are so busy, I don't even know what day it is, unless I look at the calender the night before. In the beginning it was a very hard road, Matthew does not deal well outside of his environment. So there was a lot of screaming and crying in the beginning, it was very hard for both Matty and me, but we stuck it out, and he is doing much better. He actually gave his PT and OT hugs before he left his last appointments. Yeah, Matthew!!!!

Matthew is still having trouble walking and does a lot of falling down. His PT says Matty needs AFO's but because of his sensory issues she is afraid he won't be able to stand them. Ryan and I discussed it and have decided we would rather have him wear AFO's then have to have surgery to release his tendons in the future. So we will be discussing getting them with her next week. We are also in the process of getting Matty a more supportive seat at home, because when he sits for more than 10 min in a regular chair he becomes very stiff. Turns out that because of his overall weakness, he has to work very hard to sit up, so his muscles get stiff, which causes him to fall even more.

Thanks for stopping by to read my blog. Life is anything but boring in my world!!!

2008-02-24T18:52:00.000-08:00

What Wal-mart Really Cost's Us!!!

(why I no longer shop there)

HEALTH CARE

Who pays for Wal-Mart workers’ healthcare?

Wal-Mart, right? No, we all do!!!

Despite Wal-Mart’s mammoth profits, the company actually burdens us—taxpayers—with its workers’ health care costs. In a disturbing nationwide trend, more state studies are revealing that Wal-Mart employees are the top recipients of taxpayer-paid health care. The scope of this corporate failure is massive: Wal- Mart is the largest private employer in the United States, with over 1.2 million employees, yet they fail to provide health insurance to over half their employees.

WAL-MART WORKERSON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE

Just 47 percent of Wal-Mart employees are covered by the Wal- Mart health plan; while nationally 68 percent of workers in large firms receive their health benefits from their employer. Many of Wal-Mart’s uncovered employees are forced to rely on public health assistance, adding to the cost of the bloated Wal-Mart tax. — Kaiser Family Foundation; http://www.walmartfacts.com/

As momentum grows, lawmakers in 16 states have revealed troubling statistics. Wal-Mart employees top Medicaid and CHIP rolls; many are forced to rely on public assistance for their health coverage. — Wal-Mart Watch; walmartwatch.com/healthcare

HIGH DEDUCTIBLES, HIDDEN FEES

Wal-Mart’s health plan has deductibles as high as $1,000 in addition to many hidden fees. For example: a $100 deductible for ER visits, a $100 deductible for ambulance services and a $25 weekly "spousal" surcharge for health coverage.
— Phil. Inquirer, 5/16/05; Wal-Mart 2005 Associate Guide

Full-time Wal-Mart employees must wait six months to be eligible for their health care plan, while part-time employees must wait two years to become eligible.
— Phil. Inquirer, 5/16/05; Wal-Mart 2005 Associate Guide

WOMEN

Wal-Mart is the subject of the largest class action lawsuit in history by current and former female employees who were paid and promoted at significantly lower rates than their male co-workers.

In the largest class-action lawsuit in history, 1.6 millioncurrent and former female employees are suing Wal-Mart for gender discrimination. — New York Times, 6/23/04

Women comprise 92% of Wal-Mart’s cashiers, but only 14% of Wal-Mart’s store managers.
— Dukes v. Wal-Mart, walmartclass.com

"Overall, women earned about $5,200 less than men, on average, in 2001. Within the hourly workforce, women earned about $1,100 less than men, and about $14,500 less among management employees, in 2001."
— Dukes v. Wal-Mart, walmartclass.com

Wal-Mart was fined $188,000 by the California Fair Employment and Housing Commission for refusing to reinstate a woman after she completed her maternity leave.
— Sacramento Bee, 6/14/05

Wal-Mart’s health insurance does not cover birth control or Plan B. Pregnant women are allowed only one ultrasound, and newborns may be subject to the annual deductible for their care. — Wal-Mart 2005 Associate Guide, pages 50-64

OUTSOURCING

If Wal-Mart were an independent nation, it would be China’s eighth-largest trading partner. Is Wal-Mart trading away America's future to fatten its corporate bottom line

70% of merchandise in Wal-Mart contains components made in China. — NPR, 2/12/05
Wal-Mart’s extreme pricing pressure on suppliers forces those companies to relocate factories and jobs overseas.
— Los Angeles Times, 11/23/03; FastCompany, 12/03

More than one million jobs have been outsourced to China since the early 1990’s, leaving families and communities devastated.
— PBS Frontline, 2004

LEADING THE RACE TO THE BOTTOM
If Wal-Mart were an independent nation, it would be China’s eighth-largest trading partner. — New York Times, 4/17/04

Wal-Mart estimates it imports $15 billion of Chinese goods every year and concedes that the figure could be higher – someestimates range as high as $20 or $30 billion.
— PBS Frontline, 2004

Snapshot: LakewoodEngineering
In order to supply Wal-Mart, this fan manufacturer had to open a factory Shenzhen, China where workers make 25¢ an hour, compared with $13 an hour in Chicago. Carl Kraus, the owner of the company said about opening the factory, "My father was dead set against it. I have the same respect for American workers, but I’m going to do what I have to do to survive."
— Los Angeles Times. 11/23/03

LOCAL ECONOMIES

For every new Supercenter that Wal-Mart opens, two local supermarkets will close. How will this affect your town? Big box stores like Wal-Mart spend nearly four times less within local and state economies as local businesses do.

Local businesses are known for their better service and higher quality merchandise, but too often cannot compete against Wal-Mart’s harmful low-pricing scheme.
Putting localstores outof business

Industry analyst, Retail Forward, predicted that for every new Supercenter that Wal-Mart opens, two local supermarkets will close.
—Business Week, "Is Wal-Mart Too Powerful?," 10/06/03

Wal-Mart has received more than $1 billion in taxpayer-funded subsidies from state and local communities.
— Good Jobs First, "Shopping for Subsidies," May ‘04
http://www.goodjobsfirst.org/

HOW BIG IS TOO BIG?
One study found that local businesses spend 53% of their revenues within the local and state economies; whereas big box stores, like Wal-Mart, spend just 14% within the local economy. — Inst. for Local Self-Reliance, 9/03
Source: New Rules Project, www.newrules.org/retail

SNAPSHOT: IOWA
A study of the impact of Wal-Mart’s growth found that over ten years 7,326 Iowa businesses closed, including: 555 grocery stores, 298 hardware stores, 293 building suppliers, 161 variety shops, 158 women’s stores, and 116 pharmacies.
— Dr. Kenneth Stone, Iowa State University, "Competing with Discount Mass Merchandisers," 1995

A study of Wal-Mart’s expansion in Iowa found that 84 percent of all sales at the new Wal-Mart stores came at the expense of existing businesses within the same county.
— National Trust For Historic Preservation,

WORKERS

The average pay for a Wal-Mart sales associate is $1,000 below the poverty line for a family of three. Business as usual? Not necessarily. Retail rival Costco pays its workers 65% more on average than Wal-Mart, yet earns more profits per employee.

Rolling Back Workers’ Rights
Wal-Mart mobilizes its incredible power to block union organizing efforts at all costs, sometimes in blatant violation of federal labor law.

In California, Wal-Mart is facing a lawsuit filed on behalf of 115,919 current and former employees who were systematically and illegally denied meal breaks while working for the company.
— Bloomberg News, 9/19/05; Associated Press, 9/19/05

In 2000, Wal-Mart closed its company-wide meat-cutting division after ten butchers in Texas voted to unionize their shop. Wal-Mart closed a profitable Canadian store in 2004 after employees chose union representation. — Associated Press, 3/3/00; 2/09/05

Wal-Mart [reportedly] paid $50 million to settle a lawsuit that involved 69,000 workers in Colorado who had allegedly been forced to work off the clock. In recent years, Wal-Mart has faced legal actions in over thirty states for overtime violations.
— New York Times, 11/19/04

Wal-Mart’s CEO Lee Scott took home $17.5 million in 2004, which equals $8,434 an hour. An average Wal-Mart associate earns just $9.68 an hour. — Institute for Policy Studies
The average pay for a Wal-Mart sales associate is $14,000 a year $1,000 below the poverty line for a family of three.
— New York Review of Books, 12/16/04

On average, Costco pays its workers 65% more than Wal-Mart, yet earns more profits per employee.
— New York Times, 5/3/05; Business Week, 4/12/04

DISCRIMINATION

Two recent lawsuits by minority employees and customers have brought to light a disturbing pattern of racial discrimination by Wal-Mart.

Discrimination against African-American
Wal-Mart is facing allegations of discrimination in its hiring of truck drivers. Nationally, 15% of truck drivers are African-American, yet at Wal-Mart African-Americans comprise only 2-3% of its fleet, which employs 7,800 truck drivers.
— New York Times, 7/14/05, 2005 Wal-Mart Annual Report

Minority customers have sued Wal-Mart Stores saying they were racially profiled while shopping at its stores. The lawsuit says at least 9 customers were followed, searched, humiliated, and in some cases, detained by employees. — Boston Globe, 7/13/05

Discrimination against Women
In the largest class-action lawsuit in history, 1.6 million current and former female employees are suing Wal-Mart for gender discrimination. — New York Times, 6/23/04
Women comprise 92% of Wal-Mart’s cashiers, but only 14% of Wal-Mart’s store managers. — Impact Fund

Overall, women earned about $5,200 less than men, on the average, in 2001. Within the hourly workforce, women earned about $1,100 less than men, and about $14,500 less among management employees, in 2001. — Impact Fund

Discrimination against people with Disabilities

In 2001, Wal-Mart agreed to pay $6.8 million to settle 13 lawsuits in 11 states that were filed by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, alleging widespread discrimination against people with disabilities. — Los Angeles Times, 12/18/01

In 2005, after Wal-Mart settled yet another discrimination case, the EEOC announced it was opening a new investigation into the company to see if it has violated the terms of the 2001 settlement. "Over the years, we’ve had complaints [about Wal-Mart], but some of the stuff we’re now seeing bears looking into," EEOC attorney Mary J. O’Neill said. — Washington Post, 7/29/05

ENVIRONMENT

Wal-Mart has a long history of breaking environmental laws that its high-priced green-washing campaign can't hide. Its record of environmental abuse was described by one top law enforcement official as "widespread, systematic, repeated" and has incurred millions in fines from state and federal agencies.

THE SPIN...

Wal-Mart has invested heavily in a campaign to sanitize its environmental record. "We are excited that we can lead the way in promoting the use of sustainable building and business practices," Wal-Mart Stores CEO Mike Duke boasted at the opening of a "green store" in McKinney, TX. — Press Release, 7/20/05

...THE REALITY

"One store out of thousands does not make for an environmental champion…There’s lots more that can be done, especially from a corporation that can leave such a huge footprint on the environment." — Eric Olsen, Sierra Club, Women’s Wear Daily, 7/20/05

In 1993 Wal-Mart unveiled its similar "Eco-Mart" in Lawrence, KS. The store is now being converted to a Supercenter, more than doubling its original footprint. Shockingly, there is no mention of environmental friendliness in the expansion. — Lawrence Journal World, 4/30/93; Journal-World, 5/12/04, 5/5/05, 7/12/05

Wal-Mart also has temporarily halted its recycling program at the Lawrence store. Wal-Mart green team coordinator said, "There’s just not any money in recycling." — Journal-World, 7/12/05

REPEAT ENVIRONMENTAL OFFENDER

Wal-Mart has a long history of violating environmental laws. In August 2005, Wal-Mart agreed to pay $1.5 million in penalties in Connecticut for storm water violations. In 2004, Wal-Mart was hit with a $3.1 million penalty for Clean Water Act violations. That same year, Wal-Mart paid $400,000 to settle violations of the Clean Air Act. — Forbes, 8/15/05; NY Times, 5/13/04; AP 1/22/04

Wal-Mart’s constant expansion and conversion of discount stores to Supercenters leaves vacant buildings behind–in 2004 an estimated 13 million square feet. Wal-Mart admitted the company prefers to let the buildings sit empty. "There are times when it’s in our interest to get the property moving faster, but we’re certainly not going to give a competitor an advantage," Wal-Mart spokesman, Bob McAdam said. — Wall Street Journal, 9/15/04

UNCHECKED GROWTH

Think Wal-Marts are everywhere you turn today? Just wait five years. Wal-Mart plans to nearly double its retail outlets in the U.S. by 2010 and has already demonstrated its willingness to play hardball with anyone who stands in its way.

2010: Double trouble in nextfive years

As the world’s largest corporation, Wal-Mart – with billions in its deep pockets and an insatiable hunger for growth – behaves shamelessly in the way it forces itself on American communities. Its aggressive bullying of American communities occurs because Wal-Mart’s growth is central to its business model; it has to grow to sustain its profits, $10 billion in 2004 alone.

As of 2005, Wal-Mart had 1,713 Supercenter stores, and is projected to have 3,131 in operation by 2010. 950 new Supercenters have already been approved through the company’s internal planning process. — Women’s Wear Daily, 6/20/05

"If you have one takeaway from this meeting I hope it is our growth has just begun," Wal-Mart CFO Tom Schoewe at the 2005 annual shareholders meeting.
— DSN Retailing Today, 6/13/05

Coming soon: Travel, Publishing, Banking

Wal-Mart is aggressively expanding beyond traditional retail; here are some of the business services that Wal-Mart is now providing or considering: air travel, banking, rental cars and publishing.
— Women’s Wear Daily, 6/20/05

Wal-Mart applied to federal regulators to exploit a loophole in current banking law that would allow the giant retailer to open its own bank. Experts oppose Wal-Mart’s application because it could lead to "conflicts of interest between the financial and commercial arms of Wal-Mart’s operations." One concern is that the company could make loans to its low-income shoppers to spend in their stores, even if there were doubts about customers’ abilities to repay. — American Banker, 8/30/05

2008-01-25T19:34:00.000-08:00

Matthew's MRI Results

Forgive me for taking so long to write this post.I kept starting and then stopping, that is why this post is dated the 25th, but actually published Febuary 4th. The reason for this is, I have been having a hard time dealing with what we told. It is actually almost a week and a half since we got the results Matthew's MRI.

On Friday, January 25th, we had a follow up appointment with Matthew's neuro to go over the MRI. I do have to say we were not prepared for the results.

The results of the MRI are that during fetal development Matthew brain failed to develop properly. The neuro showed us, on the MRI, that Matthew has a lot of white matter, where there should be dark, and the root like structures that should grow into the brain are growing out in his.The neuro told us that right now Matty's brain age is that of a 18 month old.

I am having a hard time understanding this. A sustained event, while my son was developing inside me, caused his brain to stop developing. I saw specialists, I had ultrasounds every month, my high blood pressure was treated, I did everything I was told to do, and I passed every test with flying colors. Not once, did the specialists say that anything was wrong. I was told that I was the perfect patient and that I had a beautiful healthy baby inside me. SO, if this was all true, why did his brain stop developing and how did they miss his brain not developing.

The neuro did say, that only time will tell how much Matthew will be able to do. He also told us, for Matthew to be able to get special services, he is going to call it Cerbral Palsy, but that is not exactly what it is. He didn't tell us what this disorder is called. Ryan said that they probably don't have a name for it yet. That maybe this a newer diagnosis. I asked the neuro what we should do to help Matthew. He said to get as many therapies in place as we can.

Now here's the real kick in the head. We came to find out, the following Monday, that we were not told all the results of the MRI. I was speaking with Matthew's Pediatrician about our visit with the neuro. She tells us she has not gotten a report from the neuro, but she does have the results of the MRI. The MRI report is pretty much the same as what the neuro told us. That was until, the Ped gets to the part, which say that there are areas of Demylenation.

I was/am shocked because Matthew's neuro did not tell us this little bit of info. I was/am freaked because I have MS and that is one of the leading factors of diagnosis. Matthew is to young to get MS. I started to look up childhood demylenating diseases but stopped because they are so much scarier than MS. I decide to look up the definition of Demylenation and here is what it says.

Demyelination: A degenerative process that erodes away the myelin sheath that normally protects nerve fibers. Demyelination exposes these fibers and appears to cause problems in nerve impulse conduction that may affect many physical systems.

So basically, from what we gather, not only did Matthew's brain stop developing in utero, something else is going on also. I am not sure why the Neuro did not tell this too our face. Maybe he did not want to scare us. Maybe he forgot. I think it is scarier to find this out by mistake. In some ways it feels like the Neuro was hiding this from us. I am sure that I am just being silly.

As of now, Ryan and I are waiting to get the report from Matthew's Neuro, we will read it, and then we will decide on our next course of action. We should be able to get it sometime this week. Right now all we can do is pray and love our little boy!!!!

2008-01-25T00:12:00.000-08:00

We Could Use Some Prayers Today!!!

Hi Everyone,

Today, Ryan, Matthew, and I have an appointment with Matthew's Neuro to go over the results of Matthew's tests. The Neuro suspects that Matthew either has Cerebral Palsy or Muscular Dystrophy. I would like to ask you, to please pray that the Neuro has some awnsers to the cause of Matty's problems and that what he has is the less drastic of the two. It took years for my neuro's to find out what was wrong with me. By the time I was given a diagnosis I had lost alot physically. I really don't want us to have to go through something similar with Matthew. Ryan and I, want an awnser so we can start some sort of treatment.

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support. BIG HUGS!!!

2008-01-24T23:36:00.000-08:00

Hmmm, Where have you been young lady???

Sorry blog world for being absent for awhile. I plead the fifth???

Life has been becoming increasingly busy for the past few months. Busy is actually an understatement!!!

In October, our regional center had Matthew evaluated by Easter Seals. The results of the eval was that Matthew needed Early Intervention services, Physical Therapy, and Occupational Therapy. He was already getting theraphy for depressive/aggressive episodes. We found out later that Matty was acting out because he was in pain and didn't have enough words to express it. Matthew also had Neuro appointments and tests run to find out why he is having Hypotonia/tremor through out his body. Jessica also started seeing a neuro and went on meds for seizures. This was/is on top of all the other specialists/therapies that Jessica, Hunter, Matthew, and I see.

So to say that life has been busy is an understatement. So far, we have made it through without much more gray hair. No, those are not tweezers behind my back!!!

I will try to be blog more from now on. I know I have been slacking. BIG HUGS!!!

2007-12-24T20:26:00.000-08:00

MAY GOD GRANT YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

LOVE, JOY, AND PEACE,

THE MILLER-MORENO's

2007-08-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

2007-08-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

Be Humble and Have Humility!!!!

If I hear one more person say how bad they have it and in the next breathe complain about how their parents/family only gave them so much money, in their time of need or their parents bought their kids clothes/toys/stuff that weren't to their exact liking, I think I will scream. Don't they know how selfish and bratty they sound!!!

We do not have anyone and I mean anyone to help us out. No one buys our kids clothes for school or any other time. No one helps us out when our food is short, there are bills to be paid, our rent is due, our car is broken down, or we have no gas. We do without and we learn to budget better next time. I would love to have family to help us out, but we don't. I hate when people brag about all that they have.

Don't people understand that there are people out there that barely have enough money to make it each month.

One lady, I know, complains she can't buy anymore clothes for her daughter because her daughter does not have enough room in her closet for anymore clothes and she still has tons of clothes, with the tags on, that have not yet been worn. Another complains about the car she is given. Another about her new big house that her husband bought for her. The list could go on for days.

I worry about having enough money to pay the bills and having enough food until the end of the month. My children only get clothes when they outgrow the ones they have. I would love for them to have more but we just can't afford extravagances. We feel lucky to have been able to buy a used 98 Plymouth Voyager last year.We live in a apartment, I am not sure we will ever be able to afford a house. Can you see why these peoples complaints bother me so much!!!

I love when people like to point their finger and say well it's your own doings, you shouldn't have had so many children. If you had less children, you would have more money.
Yes, I can see where you would think that is true, but since birth control failed twice and I don't personally believe in abortion, God chose the amount of children I have. He also chose for them to have special needs that can be costly at times. He also chose for me to be disabled.
So in fact you are blaming God. So why don't you take your foot and shove it into your mouth a little more. You obviously don't know what you are talking about.

I am not even jealous. I am just tired of the "Me" attitude. Be thankful for what you have and are given. Don't brag to make yourself look better. Understand that for some people life is hard. Think before you speak. Be humble and Have a little humility. In God's eyes no one is better than anyone else. We are all equal in the eyes of the Lord!!!!!!

2007-08-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I Wonder About Certain People......

I took my first swim exercise class today. I tell Ryan, who is in the other pool, that I will try the class and stop if it gets to hard.
The instructor says "Oh, once you start you can't leave."

The instructor asks if anyone is new and I raise my hand. She explains that it is pretty self explanatory and thats that. I start in the shallower end and ask the instructor if it is harder in the shallower part or deeper. She gives a lame explanation that both are harder in their own way. I decide I will continue and see if I can't adapt myself. About 20 min into the routine, my legs start to really hurt.

I ask, if the deeper end might not be easier on my legs.
She gives me attitude and asks in a snide tone, "So, whats your problem?"
I look at her dead in the eye and say, "I Have MS and my legs are starting to hurt!"
Chagrined, She says, "Oh, deep end is better, here is a weighted belt"
She is overly nice to me the rest of the time.

What I don't understand is, I was the first one at the class and I walked in with a cane. Wouldn't that be a clear sign that I am disabled. DUH!!!!!

I understand that I was about 10-20 yrs younger than everyone, but being young doesn't mean you are excluded from being disabled. If I was more able, I would have been doing aerobics/step in the workout area. I took this class so I would feel more capable and fit in better. What the instructor did was cause me to feel yucky about myself and singled out attention wise. Whats even sadder is that this class was specifically for the physically challenged. She should know how to teach this class. KWIM!!!!! It just makes you wonder, these people are supposed to know better. At least the people that hired these insructors should....

That said, even though she wasn't the best teacher. I did make it through the class. I felt like that, in it's self, was a big accomplishment, even if she was a Non Compos Mentis!!!

2007-08-08T01:44:00.000-07:00

I Bought A Scale

I Hate Scales. I liken them to a Medieval Torture Device. I have been heavy since I was born and have always dreaded weigh in day. I actually never planned on owning a scale. Yet there It is sitting in our van taunting me. It wants me to weigh myself but I am resisting. I don't know how much longer I can take the pressure. We actually bought it to monitor Hunters weight. So why is the scale picking on me. Yup, it's winning. I am going to go get that scale and weigh myself. If you hear a loud scream. That was me, losing what mind I have left. Wish Me luck. This will get ugly!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-08T01:36:00.000-07:00

My Fortune Cookie told me:
Roadsigns are plotting against you.
Get a cookie from Miss Fortune

2007-08-06T01:25:00.000-07:00

Please Support My Fundraiser!!!

In an effort to meet the costs of the therapeutic and medical needs of my three special needs children. I have started a fundraiser website. I am not asking you directly for money. I am just asking you to get the word out about my website.

I am actually offering to becoming a Personnel Web Assistant in exchange for a donation to my children's fund.

So would you please do me a favor. Check out my website and pass it on to people who might need my help/service.

Here is the website: http://hstrial-kmiller657.homestead.com/index.html

Thanks for spreading the word!!!!

2007-08-04T14:29:00.000-07:00

I've been Tagged.....here you go!

I was tagged by my friend Andrea(by the way, Thanks!!!) to give 8 random facts/habits about myself.

The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog or e-mail (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog/e-mail, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.If you are doing this by e-mail send them the rules and your facts/habits via e-mail.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment or e-mail telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog or e-mail with your awnsers. Eight random facts and/or habits!!!

Alright here are my 4 facts and 4 habits, enjoy! Please don't fall asleep!!!!!!

Fact 1:
When I was a little girl, my sister and I were the same size, even though she was 2 yrs older than me. Quite a few times, when we were out together, people would ask if we were twins. So we came up with this idea, to tell everyone who asked, that we were 2 of 3 triplets. So whenever we went out by ourselves and met anyone we had told, we would go by a one of three names, so they wouldn't catch on. It was hysterical because people actually believed us. We almost only got caught once. Someone stopped my aunt and I, at a store and asked how we all were. My aunt did not know how to respond. To this day I still think that she thinks that person was on drugs.

Fact 2:
When I was a little girl, my family life was so overwhelming that during the roughest times, I would hide under my grandma's coffee table that was covered with a sheet. It was my own secret cave. My grandma would make me a paper bag lunch and I would stay there all day. I would read, play with my dolls, color, or watch her TV. When she was making cookies, she would sneak me some to eat. I love and miss her very much. When I was little, I felt like she was the only one that understood me.

Fact 3:
When I was in Jr High School, I wanted my hair permed for the 9th grade dance. I had very straight hair. It took a lot of convincing but I eventually got my mom to perm my hair. She was a professional Hair Stylist, so I had no fear that she would do a bad job. So the day of the dance she perms my hair and then puts it in curlers. Two hours before the dance she was finally done, I look in the mirror and I see, SHIRLEY TEMPLE!!!! I don't know how in the hell, I didn't freak out. I told my mom that I had to be at the dance early to set up. I went to my Jr High School and met up with some of my friends. I had a good cry and then they helped me wet my hair down and styled it. Once we did that my hair actually looked great. I even got a boyfriend that night. People kept on telling me all night how great I looked. If they only knew!!!! Thank God for my friends.

Fact 4:
I played sports since I was 5 yrs old. When I was in 10th grade, I tried out for the Varsity Girls Field Hockey Team. Our coach chose me to be on the team. I was so happy and then I found out that the new girls had to go through initiation. The first two tests weren't to bad but the third was horrible. We had to run across the Football field in our Bra's and Panties, while the Varsity football team was practicing. I had never been so embarrassed in my whole life. I was beet red. I was very shy at the time. The fact that the boys were whistling at us and making lewd comments didn't help. I was actually asked out by one of the team, the next day.

Fact 5:
When my sister and I were in our teens, we used to sneak out on Friday nights to go to the roller skating rink. We would wait until our mom left to work the night shift and then put on our really tight Gittano jeans and short shirts and walk to the skating rink. We would stay there until 12pm and then walk the mile home in the dark. Our mom never caught us. She eventually started letting us go a year later. Still the best times we had were when it was done on the sly.

Habit 1:
I will take anyone into the bathroom with me. I mean, when I am on the phone. I have been known to take Dr's offices, utility companies, friends, and family in the bathroom with me. Especially when they put me on hold. I will do my business and not say a word. With the amount of children I have, it is important to utilize all my time. Shocker, Huh!!!!!!

Habit 2:
I am very fussy about the way food is cooked or prepared. If I think or feel that you defrosted your meat products too long, didn't wash your hands before you prepared the food, didn't clean the chopping board the right way, touched my food with your bare hands, left the food in the fridge for too long, and/or if I feel that the pots, pans, dishes, or utensils are not clean enough to cook/eat food off of, I will not eat your food. I have a horrible Gag reflex and if those thoughts come into my head, while I am eating I will gag and throw up. I am so Twisted and Picky!!!! I know and all I can do is apologize...

Habit 3:
I love to believe in the best in people. I believe that all people are good until they prove me wrong. I have been accused of being gullible and in some ways I am. I just feel that the world has become to cynical and that what we need is hope in the human race, not fear and suspicion. The world should be less about me and more about the greater good, Glorifying God!!! I am not saying that I have not been hurt believing in what I believe. But I have also made some wonderful friends that I would have probably never met had I been cynical and uncaring. Sorry, preaching over now!!!!!

I hope you all enjoyed my Funny stories, Embarrassing moments, and Idiosyncrasy's!
Now it's my turn to choose some unsuspecting victims. Lets see, I choose Whisper, Jennifer, Kelsey, Michelle, Danielle, Amanda(P-2-P), and Melissa.

I hope you all enjoy. Big Hugs!!!!!!!!

Love, Keely

2007-07-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

2007-07-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with Jessica, I used to dance around the apartment, singing this song full blast to my baby Girl. Today, she is almost 6yrs old and we still dance around the room to this song. Now she has 2 younger brothers that Join us. I love this song and pray this for all my children.

I Hope You Dance

BY LeeAnn Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion, always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder, where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder where those years have gone)

2007-07-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

Welcome To Holland

poem by Emily Perl Kingsley

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability-to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this....

When your going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip-to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. Any you must learn a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a while, you catch your breath, you look around....and then you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away....because the loss of that dream is a very, very, significant loss.

But....if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things....about Holland."

2007-07-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Loved Ones Please Pray For Our Hunter

Our Dear Hunter is really sick right now. He is worrying his mommy and daddy so much. He is severely constipated. He is refusing to eat due to his inability to poop. He normally eats all the time and is already underweight. This has been going on 2 weeks now. He has lost so much weight. The normal meds to help him poop are not working.
I would take him to his GI but he stinks. We have talked to his Ped and she is telling us to wait and see if the meds eventually kick in. I changed him into his pj's tonight and he is all bone. I am not sure how much longer his body can take this.
Please pray because we are very scared for him!!!!
Thanks!XOXOXO

2007-07-14T23:48:00.000-07:00

My Last Two Weeks Have Been Rough

Since this is my blog. I am going to let this out.
Yes, I am actually going to talk about myself.

Last week, my legs became swollen and my pain has increased exponentially. I keep trying to fool myself and everyone around that I am Ok. The truth is I am not. I just don't want to bother, stress, or upset anyone. My Multiple Sclerosis is getting worse.

I am not sure how much longer I will be walking. I can't even walk ten minutes without screaming agony. I am having trouble standing up, my legs are a lot weaker, the numbness is getting worse, I keep loosing my balance, I am having trouble getting into our van, my legs shake, and I am having trouble moving them.

Today, my friend Danielle and I took the kids to a little girls party and after two hours I needed to go home. I took a pain pill when we got home and slept for 5 hours. What is sad is that I took a pain pill before we left. I used anything I could lean on to hold me up. Smiled my smiles, chatted, and acted happy. When all I wanted to do was collapse. I was praying the whole time I wouldn't make a fool of myself.

The only one that really knows how bad I feel is Ryan. He reads me very well. He can look at me and know when I am toughing it out. He will find me a seat and finish up what we were doing without me even asking. He will then rush me home and help me to the couch. I may be smiling but he sees the white ring around my mouth and know I am actually in severe pain.

Friday, I actually called my Primary Dr. and scheduled an Appt. to see about getting a scooter. I finally realized that my walking days are nearing an end.

Ryan told me Friday that he is very worried about me. He talked with our friend Jimmy about the fact that he just doesn't know where our life is taking us. Ryan told Jimmy that he does not know why he was chosen to have a wife and children with disabilities. Ryan told me that he loves me and is in it for the long run but it is hard to see my go through this.

Ryan wasn't sure about going camping next weekend with the kids. I told him that this will probably be the only summer with the kids that I will be able to go camping with them. So we have to go. I want them to remember this. I need them to remember this.

Thanks everyone, I just needed to get this out.

2007-07-08T00:51:00.001-07:00

That's Not Normal!!!!

If one more person says to me,

"You know, what ______(insert one of our children's names in the blank) is doing/acting/exhibiting either behaviorally, physically, or health wise is just not normal!",

I am seriously going to loose it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

We have been dealing with our children's behavioral and health issues since they were born. So why do people, mostly family feel that we need to be informed of issues we already knew existed? Of course we know, we are with our children constantly. We know our children!!! We may just not want to talk about what is going on.

I am tired of people telling us that we have to advocate for our children. If they really knew Ryan and I, they would know that we have always put our children's needs first. We are constantly fighting to get our children help.

Telling us that we need to fight the doctor's/specialist's/insurance more does not help us. What it does do, is it makes us feel like crap. That the consensus is that we are not doing our job. When in fact, it is the Insurance that is failing our children.

I just wanted to inform you all. That if you are reading this blog, I am not talking about you. I allow you read this blog, because I only let smart people, who understand how we feel, know that I even have a Blog.

Thanks All, I love you!!!!!!!!!!

2007-07-03T04:53:00.000-07:00

Why Matthew, Lord???

It is 4:50 am and I am sitting here having a good cry. Matthew is having a harder time walking. Whatever is going on is now affecting his left side more. I didn't want to upset our family, so I waited until everyone is asleep to have my little meltdown.

I am trying to give it to God, but I can't help but question God's purpose in all that is going on. I have a hard time believing that God would let a small child suffer like this. Why isn't he intervening?

I know, I know, it's kinda sad that we blame God when something bad happens. I guess it is because we need someone to be the scapegoat for our pain and anger. I don't want to use God as my scapegoat. I just want Matthew to get better.

My heart is breaking for my little guy. Besides the walking problem, he seems more uncomfortable every day. He is no longer my happy little boy. I fear that whatever is going on with him is causing him pain. I hate that he is in pain and I can't do anything to help him.

I am praying that a neuro can see him soon. The UC Davis Pediatric Neuro has a 6 to 9 month waiting list. We asked the Ped about sending all three children to Lucille Packard Children's Hospital to see a Neuro there. He was not sure if our insurance would pay for it.

Would you all do me a favor? Could you all pray that our insurance decides to let our three children go to Lucille Packard Children's Hospital for services. LP is the best Children's hospital in Northern California.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

Loosing Faith!!!

It came to me today, in a startling realization, that I am loosing my faith.

My Faith in people, in Doctors, in Myself, and most importantly God!!!

In people:
because from what I have seen, it seems that there is more bad than good. People hurting people for the sake of feeling better about themselves. Trust, friendship, love, goodness, and morals have been thrown to the wayside for greed and lust.

In Doctors:
Because they have too many patients and not enough time. So patients are more like a number than a name. The Ill and the disabled are being lost in the system. They have to fight everyday, just to find out, in the end, that no one wants to help them. Why is insurance running the doctors, not visa versa?

In Myself:
Because not matter what I do, I cannot get my children the help and services they need. I am their parent and I feel that I am failing them. The Doctors and specialists say the children need this, this, and this, but the insurance, schools, and other agencies do not want to help them. I battle everyday and feel like I am never getting anywhere.

In God:
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in God. I am just loosing my faith in him helping me or my family anytime soon. I want to believe he will, but my belief candle is growing dim. Why would God make me disabled, give me three special needs children, and then not give me the help I need for them. What is the point of God letting me and my family go through any more hardship than what I already have been given? My heart longs for an answer!!!!

2007-06-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

A Vent

About How Our Health Care
Treats Our Children!!!

I am sorry everyone, but I have had it with lazy Doctors and Crappy Health Insurance.

Wow, you say, what has caused this woman to go off the deep end?

I will tell you. This may be long, so you might want to pull up a chair!!!

Today, We took all three children to the doctors because they have been sick since Thursday. Turns out Matthew and Hunter have the Chicken Pox and a virus, plus Hunter has another sinus infection. Jessica has a virus plus a yeast infection. This is not the reason for my vent. The Nurse took good care of all of them.

Now for the Vent:

While we were waiting to be seen, I noticed that their Medical files had been left in the room. Being the Curious George, I decided to look in Hunter's file, since it was on top. As I am scanning through his file, I come upon his blood/urine labs. Probably about 4 years worth. Turns out as I am looking at them that he has had abnormal labs since he was a baby. Between 7 to 8 lows and highs on each lab. I was floored because the Pediatrician has always told us that Hunter's blood work was fine. I saw things like High Blood Sugar, Keytones in the urine, low CO2, low Creatine, High Red Blood cells, and ect. I know that it can't be good but I kept it in the back of my mind until I get home.

I look up, what I can remember on the internet. Everything I read was all bad. I finally look up Low Blood Creatine. Almost every site says Low Blood Creatine is indicative of Muscular Dystrophy or Old age. Since Hunter is 4yrs old, I doubt it is old age.

Now you have to remember, I was told a week or so ago that Matthew may have Muscular Dystrophy.

Our dear sweet Hunter has had health problems since he was born. He is unable to gain weight, His arms and legs are like sticks, he is not growing, he has AR, Gerd, and constipation, pain in his legs, shoulders, back, arms, and head, he has Apnea, and has Chronic Infections. We have been trying for years, to find out an answer, to why he has so many health problems. Doctors have always shrugged their shoulders and treated the symptoms.

I am not a genius, but if a child's blood/urine labs were so off for years. Wouldn't you want to investigate a little more. Wouldn't you think something was up. What is wrong with doctors. Do they not even look at the labs? Why is finding the answer and maybe giving the child the right medicine a problem. I trusted this Pediatrician. I would like to think this is an oversight, but it would have to be some hell of a oversight. What would of happened if I had not seen it. Would Hunter of never gotten the help he deserves. I am so mad I can't think straight. How dare they give this sweet little boy 4th rate care.

Ryan called the head Pediatrician of the practice and left a message. Hopefully He will call tomorrow and Ryan can talk him into helping us. He seems like a reasonable and caring man. I just can't believe what we have to go through to get decent care for our family. the sub standard care we get should and probably is illegal in some way.

Thanks for listening. Vent over!!!!!

2007-06-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

Why Father's Day Means So much to Us!!!

(Why Ryan Means So much To me)

Please read the story, I know it is long, but it explains so much.

Along time ago, Ryan and I were the quintessential 21 century family. He worked and I worked. I took our 1 month old Baby, Jessica, to work with me because as Head Geriatric Caregiver I was allowed to. We were relatively well off. Three months later, I found out I was pregnant with my son, Hunter.

Almost from the start, I was sick. First high blood pressure, then Pre-Eclampsia, then Eclampsia. I had to stop working very early into my pregnancy. Hunter was born by by c-section and had severe health problems. We thought I would get better after the birth, but for some unforeseen reason I became even worse. After many months of the my GP telling me it was Post Partum Depression, I ended up in the hospital with a form of Hydrocephalus. While there, a neurologist examined me and told me that he was pretty sure that I also had Multiple Sclerosis.

After I was released from the hospital, I was given a Neurologist by my insurance. She felt there was something Neurological going on but wasn't sure what it was. The next 3 years, she basically bled my insurance dry and then was dropped by my insurance. All the while, I was loosing some of my ability to use my legs and feet, use my arms and hands, feel in my hands and feet, hear, and see. Not to mention, I had a lot of neurological pain.

During that time, I could not work and Ryan's family oriented company demoted him from his supervisory position and cut his hours to 16 hrs a week. All because he asked for two days off to watch Jessica, while Hunter and I were in the hospital. They had even approved him for the time off and he had just had an excellent review. We went from doing okay to doing poorly financially. We struggled to pay the bills and eventually went on Welfare, Ryan got a part-time job with Home Depot, and I got approved for Social Security.

Well, of course, the imaginable occurred. I got pregnant on our first vacation without our children, in five years. I saw specialists and had all the appropriate tests and screening. I had a perfect pregnancy and we expected a healthy baby boy. Matthew was born a robust beautiful baby boy. We were so happy.
Almost from the beginning, Matthew had problems with his blood sugar being low, he had problems eating, then the vomiting began, the screaming and fussiness, constipation, and he developed a rash all over his body. The hospital pediatrician said Matthew would be fine and sent us home. Turns out Matthew has a almost total protein intolerance, Acid Reflux, Gastro Esophageal Reflux, Chronic Constipation, Horrible Eczema, and problems reaching milestones due to weakness on the right side of his body. Our dream of finally having a perfectly healthy child was crushed.

About a year and a half ago, I started seeing a new Neurologist and he told me that he could see lesions on my MRI from 2003. He said he was pretty sure I had MS but needed to run some more test. This January, I had a major exacerbation, combined with all the evidence on MRI's and other neurological tests, I was finally diagnosed in February with Secondary Progressive MS. In March, Ryan started giving me Betaseron shots, every other day, to slow down the progress of my MS.

Last Month, Matthew began having more and more trouble walking. We video taped him and then took him to see the head Pediatrician of his Pediatrician's office. The Pediatrician feels that Matthew may have Mild Cerebral Palsy, but because Matthew's walk is deteriorating, he may have Muscular Dystrophy. Matthew will be seeing a Pediatric Neurologist soon and will have a lot of testing.

Now you may be asking, why have I told you the story of my families life? The reason is, you would have to live it to see what I see.

Most men (I am not saying all) would have left when they were faced with some of these challenges. Not our sweet Ryan!!! He has stayed with us through everything. He has grown and adapted to everything life has thrown at us. Every obstacle has made us stronger as a family.
Not only does Ryan go to work, he takes us to doctor/specialist/testing appointments, he does errands, he cleans, he doles out Meds, he gives me my shots, He takes over for me on my bad days, he cooks, he plays with the children, he helps with homework, he takes the children to school, gives the children their baths, and helps them get dressed. He is a disciplinarian but concedes and apologizes when he has been to harsh. He is willing to listen to others on child rearing ideas and try the new idea if it seems right. He respects our children's feelings and listens to them.
He is a loving father that wants the best for his family. He is more than I could have ever asked in a Father for our children. I am not saying that he is perfect but as a father he is one of the best. I thank God for him every day!!!

2007-06-01T10:11:00.000-07:00

Jessica and Hunter were accepted to Waldorf!!!!

Praise The Lord!
I received a letter yesterday. It stated that Hunter was accepted to attend Waldorf for Kindergarten.
I called this morning to find out of Jessica was accepted.
she will also be accepted to attend Waldorf.

I am so excited. This school is perfect for them.
They will be in small classrooms. The classrooms are also set up for children with sensory and motor skill issues.
They also have a Physical/Occupational therapist on the campus.

I can't wait until September.....

2007-05-30T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
Alot has happened, since I last blogged.

I'll start with me, first, I guess...

I was finally diagnosed as of February with Multiple Sclerosis. If anyone knows about this disease, I have the Secondary Progressive type. The first week of March, I did Acthar Gel shots daily because of a major exacerbation that has effected my eye sight. As of March, I have also started Betaseron shots every other day to fight the progression of my MS. I tend to feel that the side effects of the shots are even worse than the disease. I am praying that the side effects go away soon.

Jessica....

She had the Developmental Assessment in April. We had a follow-up meeting with the team before spring break. Jessica has a lot of the characteristics of Autism but they feel it is not Autism. The Special Education head told us that the DAT team cannot diagnose Aspergers. I am confused because Aspergers is a form of Autism. The reason why we had this assessment, in the first place, was because Jessica's Psychiatrist feels that Jessica has Aspergers. The school told us, that the Developmental Awareness team could tell us if she had it or not. The DAT told us, that what needs to be done now is to treat Jessica's autistic like characteristics. Jessica's school informed us, that since Jessica does not have a diagnosis, they will not help her. So we are basically back to square one. No help for Jessica at school. Jessica's therapist has contacted a colleague and Jessica was put on a waiting list for testing/diagnosis. We are praying that she gets in soon. As of right now, she is still in theraphy, seeing her Psychiatrist, and on Meds.

Hunter....

Hunter has started being treated by an Endocrinologist. Hunter has been failure to thrive since he was born. He has not grown in almost a year. The Endocrinologist sent Hunter for blood tests and a bone scan. The results are the following: According to his bone scan his bone growth is the size of a 3 yr old. Since he is almost 5 that is not a good thing. So, depending on when the insurance approves it, we will be starting Growth Hormone Shots at home.

Hunters blood tests can back okay, except for his Liver enzymes. They all seem to be high. We will have to go back in a month for more blood work, to have them checked again. The Endo wants to see if the enzyme levels are higher. The Endo is worried that Hunter may be having problems with his liver.

Hunter also had an appointment with his Gastro because he is not gaining weight. He has been put on a fat/carb supplemental drink. We are also adding olive oil to all his foods and increasing his sugar intake. If this doesn't cause him to gain weight, the Gastro is going to test him for a Metabolic disorder. We can't understand why he has a gaining weight problem. He eats all the time!!!

Matthew....

If you can believe it, Matthew is our child of most concern. Since birth he has has severe digestive and developmental issues. Since Matthew was an infant he has always had problems on his right side.
He didn't roll to his right until he was around 6 months old
He didn't sit up until he was 8 months old. He would always fall over on the right side until then.
He crawled at 11 months old but always dragged his right leg.
I breathed a sigh of relief when he was 12.5 months old and learned to walk. He still had problems with his right leg but the Ped said that some children had this and it will get better.

Well, in the last month, Ryan and I began to notice that his right leg problems are getting worse. He started dragging it even more and then started falling down a lot. We decided to take digital movies of the his increased walking difficulties.

Yesterday, his walking got so bad, all he did was fall down. So we ended up taking him to the Dr. Of course, his Dr. was on vacation, but we got to see the big Kahuna of the office. Which turned out to be a good thing. The Dr that saw Matthew checked out his legs, his walking, and our digital videos.

He told us that he sees increased weakness in both legs. More on the right than left. I had, kinda, seen it on the left, but wasn't sure.
He said that it could be CP, but since he is deteriorating, it could be Muscular Dystrophy.

He had us take Matthew for an x-ray today. He said Matthew's hips looked fine, but he just wants to be sure. He is going to schedule Matthew for Muscle/nerve testing. He is also going to set Matthew up with Physical Therapy. He wants to see if PT helps at all. If it doesn't, then he is going to have a muscle biopsy done. The Dr, did say that both our boys have been a mystery and in finding out what's wrong with Matthew. We might finally find out whats wrong with Hunter. To tell you the truth, I would rather be ignorant than find out something terrible. KWIM!!!

Ryan and I drove home in shock. We don't really know how to take this all. I guess we will persevere like we always have.

Sorry everyone, I told you that a lot has happened and I wasn't kidding. I hope you all made it through reading this. I am going to try to post more often so reading this blog won't be so tedious. Thank you for being you.

Love,
Keely

2007-03-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

Princess Jessica Is Locked In A Castle Tower!!!!

It is true, the old adage, that children do not come with a handbook!!!

When I found out that I was having a daughter during my 5 month Ultrasound, I was so excited. I was going to give her so much love. She was going to get more hugs and kisses than any child had ever gotten. I was going to give her all the affection, attention, and love that I had wanted but never gotten from my mom.
After many hours of labor, the OB started to lose both of us, we were rushed into surgery, and she was born via C-Section. The idea of perfect natural birth was forsaken but she was beautiful and healthy. Ryan brought her to me so I could see her before they wheeled me out to the recovery room. I cried because she was so perfect and beautiful. I couldn't wait to take her in my arms. I wanted to hug and kiss her and never let her go. I was so in love!!!

Then the bubble burst...

After I was taken to my room, they brought me my daughter which we had named Jessica. She quietly looked around and I quietly checked her out. I had never seen such a curious newborn. She seemed like such an old soul. Like she had done this before. I picked her up and unwrapped her bunting to see all her little body parts. She did not like that very much so I quickly wrapped her back up and cuddled her. Thats when she started crying and nothing I could do could get her to stop. A nurse came in and said that she might be hungry so I tried to nurse her. She screamed and pushed at me. She did not want to latch on. After quite a few frustrating minutes I put her back in the bassinet. Immediately after I placed her in the bassinet she stopped crying. I thought maybe she was tired from her long journey and just needed some time to adjust. I believed this until the next time she started crying, I tried to hold her, and then when that didn't work I tried to feed her again. She still pushed to get away. I thought I must be doing something wrong, so I called the nurse and went over breastfeeding techniques again. The Nurse said that I was doing the right things and that Jessica just wasn't hungry. Jessica immediately stopped crying after she was put back into the bassinet. For the next three days this scenario was played over and over again. I finally was able to get her to latch on but Jessica was never a willing player. I ended up getting postpartum pretty bad at the end of our hospital stay and was put on a mild anti depressant. We were then allowed to go home.

Yeah, we are home!!!

The first month home we found out many things about Jessica's personality. She liked to be in her Boppy, the play yard, and her swing. She did not like to be held by either her daddy or mommy. She did not like to nurse. She was content if she was left alone. After 2 months of trying to get her to nurse and after much frustration eventually giving her a bottle. I decided to stop breastfeeding and give her formula instead.

Can she hear???

Around 4 months, I realized that Jessica didn't startle at loud noises. She didn't turn her head when her name was called. She didn't look at us when we were talking to her. She seemed to be in her own little world. As a test, I placed her near the kitchen entrance and then I threw pots and pans into the sink. She didn't respond at all. I was very distraught when Ryan came home from work and when I told him why he was very disbelieving. He decided to test her and so he made lots of loud noises and when he got no response he became worried also. We went to her 4 month old check up and told the Nurse Practitioner what we were seeing and she dismissed our concerns and sent us home. Since Jessica was meeting all her other milestones early, I think she saw us as panicky new parents.

At 5 months, I told my Birth&Beyond worker about our concerns and she had the county health nurse check her out. The nurse tested Jessica's hearing and told us that Jessica had definite severe hearing deficit. Jessica ended up getting the Rotavirus from another child that day and ended up in the hospital. Her Ped came in to see us and we expressed our concerns. He then tested her hearing by making loud noises and even though he made the other child cry that was in our room, Jessica did not respond at all. He concurred that there was a problem and had her have a hearing test while we were there. We didn't get the results for 2 weeks after we went home. Turns out her brain had very minimal response to the stimuli introduced. We were sent to a audiologist which did more testing. The results we received after a month was pretty close to the other findings. We talked to our Ped again and he said that her hearing difficulties from what he could surmise from the report was caused by fusion in her ears. We were supposed to go for more testing but because of our insurance having policy changes we had to go to a different audiologist.

Low and Behold!!!!

Around 11 months, Jessica started to interact a little with us. She started to say Momma, Dada, Hi, and honey!!! We were so happy. Thank God for small miracles. She still had her problems with being held but she was able to hear.

It was also around this time we realized that Jessica didn't like places that had bright lights or lots of people. She would scream uncontrollably until we left. So we spent much of our time at home. We spoke to our ped about her issues, he told us that we had a high maintenance child, and not to worry about it. She was still hitting her milestones early, so why worry.

Back To Square One...

Around 13 months, Jessica stopped talking and responding to us all together. We brought it up to her Ped and he told us that she had a little fluid in her ear but not enough to cause her to not speak or respond to us. He sent us to another audiologist for more testing. After a two month wait we finally saw him for testing. He tested her and then suggested that we have tubes be put in her ears. I asked if that would help her hearing and he told me it may slightly or it might not at all. I decided that this was not a good enough answer and declined. He was not happy and did not offer to see us again.

She Can Hear!!!

Around 18 months, Jessica started to hear and speak again. She was way behind but was slowly improving month to month. Due to her lack of speech, she started throwing incredibly violent tantrums. We spoke with her Ped at her 24 month well child appointment and he put in a referral for Jessica to get speech therapy. We were sent for speech evaluation and were told that Jessica definitely needed speech therapy and was scheduled for our first therapy session. Unfortunately we never got to go to the therapy appointment. Jessica's Ped decided to no longer take the insurance we had and so we had to switch insurances. The new insurance only let us go through the school system for evaluation. It took 6 months to get evaluated and since she talked like an 18 month old at 2 1/2 years old. She did not qualify. Though while the evaluators were testing her, Jessica got frustrated with the tests, started screaming at the ladies, threw the testing tools at them, and then curled up in a fetal position, rocked back and forth, and sucked her thumb. The evaluators suggested that Jessica be tested for High Functioning Autism.

Jessica, High Functioning Autism???

First thought, not my daughter!!! Ryan and I started looking up HFA on the internet and all the sudden red flags went up. We talked to our Ped and he suggested we see a Pediatric Psychiatrist. We took Jessica to go see one and she said that yes, Jessica has sensory issues but there was nothing that she could do for her and sent us home. 3 hours later CPS showed up and said that there was a report given that we were over medicating Jessica with her asthma medication. The CPS case was closed by the end of the day. The CPS worker spoke with Jessica's Ped and Allergist and they both verified that we were giving Jessica the right dosage for her severe Asthma.

Once Burnt, Now Shy....

After our run in with CPS we were to afraid to continue our search for help for our daughter. So for the next 2 1/2 years we dealt with Jessica's unique characteristics on our own. We did what worked best for us, her, and our family. We learned coping skills. She has issues with textures of foods. She doesn't like to be touched unless she initiates it or is asked first. Her behavior becomes erratic when there is a lot of noise, bright lights, certain smells, or a lot of activity. She has mood swings. One moment she is happy and the next she is sad. She has never slept well, she would sleep for a couple hours and then get up for the rest of the night. She likes to escape out of the house. She has never had a fear of strangers. She doesn't really have a bond with us. Sometimes we feel that she could take or leave us. She plays beside her siblings but rarely interacts with them.

The Straw That Broke The Camels Back!!!

This summer Jessica became violent toward her siblings. If they were to loud or invaded her space she would hit, kick, or push them down or into walls. She became increasingly whinny and cried all the time. She started taking off all by herself a lot more. She started throwing horrible tantrums. She started sleeping less than she already did. There were nights she didn't sleep at all. She tried to choke her 3 1/2 year old brother and pulled her 12 month old brother under the water in the pool. When we explained that she could have killed them and then they would not be around anymore. She said she didn't care, she had no remorse. She wanted to know if I was going to die. When asked why she would ask such a thing she said because she wanted me to. Ryan explained that then she wouldn't have hugs, kisses, books, or games with me anymore. She didn't care.

This was too much for us to handle by ourselves anymore. So we called county mental health and they got Jessica hooked up with a therapist. After a few meetings with Jessica, the therapist suggested we have Jessica see their Pediatric Psychiatrist. At the first appointment with the Psychiatrist she said had we ever heard of High Functioning Autism and/or Aspergers. She suggested that Jessica be evaluated because she exhibits a lot of the characteristics. We agreed of course, seeing as it has been suggested that Jessica may have this before.

Long Road to Evaluation...

The Pediatric Psych sends a letter to our Ped to ask the Ped to get a referral to a clinic that can evaluate Jessica. The Ped sends a referral to the insurance that denies the referral. The insurance says we have to go through our county regional center. The county regional center won't help Jessica until she has a diagnosis. At Jessica's school SST, we are told that there is a grant for children in need to be evaluated. Jessica is given the grant and next week she will be evaluated and hopefully this will start us on the road for help/therapy for her.