June 20, 2007

Loosing Faith!!!

It came to me today, in a startling realization, that I am loosing my faith.

My Faith in people, in Doctors, in Myself, and most importantly God!!!

In people:
because from what I have seen, it seems that there is more bad than good. People hurting people for the sake of feeling better about themselves. Trust, friendship, love, goodness, and morals have been thrown to the wayside for greed and lust.

In Doctors:
Because they have too many patients and not enough time. So patients are more like a number than a name. The Ill and the disabled are being lost in the system. They have to fight everyday, just to find out, in the end, that no one wants to help them. Why is insurance running the doctors, not visa versa?

In Myself:
Because not matter what I do, I cannot get my children the help and services they need. I am their parent and I feel that I am failing them. The Doctors and specialists say the children need this, this, and this, but the insurance, schools, and other agencies do not want to help them. I battle everyday and feel like I am never getting anywhere.

In God:
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in God. I am just loosing my faith in him helping me or my family anytime soon. I want to believe he will, but my belief candle is growing dim. Why would God make me disabled, give me three special needs children, and then not give me the help I need for them. What is the point of God letting me and my family go through any more hardship than what I already have been given? My heart longs for an answer!!!!

2 comments:

Amanda said...

Hugs! I have just finished going through this.I couldn't figurs out why Amelia was still suffering. I believe he will reveal it all in his time ans I have to be patient and trusting. Of course my two hardest things to do. I am here if you need me!!

Amanda

Andrea "The H family" said...

Honey...did we talk POST this post? I wasn't sure? Either way...God loves you babe and your feelings are so valid.

Hugs!!