Why Matthew, Lord???

It is 4:50 am and I am sitting here having a good cry. Matthew is having a harder time walking. Whatever is going on is now affecting his left side more. I didn't want to upset our family, so I waited until everyone is asleep to have my little meltdown.

I am trying to give it to God, but I can't help but question God's purpose in all that is going on. I have a hard time believing that God would let a small child suffer like this. Why isn't he intervening?

I know, I know, it's kinda sad that we blame God when something bad happens. I guess it is because we need someone to be the scapegoat for our pain and anger. I don't want to use God as my scapegoat. I just want Matthew to get better.

My heart is breaking for my little guy. Besides the walking problem, he seems more uncomfortable every day. He is no longer my happy little boy. I fear that whatever is going on with him is causing him pain. I hate that he is in pain and I can't do anything to help him.

I am praying that a neuro can see him soon. The UC Davis Pediatric Neuro has a 6 to 9 month waiting list. We asked the Ped about sending all three children to Lucille Packard Children's Hospital to see a Neuro there. He was not sure if our insurance would pay for it.

Would you all do me a favor? Could you all pray that our insurance decides to let our three children go to Lucille Packard Children's Hospital for services. LP is the best Children's hospital in Northern California.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!